So guys, it's been a while!!!
It has been so bloody long since i've thought about unleashing my thoughts on you again!
So what has happened in the last 6 months? Puppy had her first birthday and grew into a full size doglet! I now refer to her as Piglet (cute nickname I know) and she does not leave my side for a second when we are together. I'm a piggy momma now!
Once again, I let my hair grow... Then I cut it all off again! However, I have now started regularly going to a proper hairdressers to keep my tresses trimmed! I'm being a good girl for a change. I had a promotion at work, the team have made it a real easy transition for me with minimal stress which was super nice. I've gained friendships in some amazing people.
We put on a show! The play went fantastic and we had some amazing reviews. I feel very proud of the group and will continue feeling proud over the years to come I am sure. They are good juju!
The drawers in my bedroom collapsed, meaning I am now saving to get some new ones that match my corona wood dressing table. I'm not going to lie, the saving isn't going so well when you live near many departments stores with make-up counters throwing new lip colours at me every week! Damn you department stores ;) I am my own weakness and I also have no shame in admitting that.
I started the third year of my studies at university having passed my second year with no resits! This makes me feel clever beyond belief.
but i still ache
i still have my bad days
i still come home some nights and cry for no reason
i still eat soo much comfort pizza
The thing is, no matter what you do and how much you try, without professional help I will always feel what I feel. My chest will always beat faster in social situations. My palms and my feet will always sweat a little when I'm having a panic attack. I will still have shortness of breath in a room full of people. I will have my 'shut down' moments when too many things are buzzing around in my little brain. I've started to come to terms with this in my own little way.
The world is made up of billions of people. We all have different personalities, thoughts and emotions. Some people experience anxiety. Some people experience depression. Some people experience mental illnesses not as well known. Some people experience physical illness. Some people do not experience any of this. But it's not what we experience that defines us as a person. It is how we deal with it. Yes some people may have the ability to brush it off without a care in the world. To others it takes a lot to accept what they are dealing with. For me, I was scared. Scared that it would never go away. I only came to realise that the more I acknowledged it was there, the more it stuck around. I could pity myself and worry till the cows came home, but I was almost feeding my 'little visitor'. The more I thought about it, the more it appeared.
I'm not saying it's that easy for everybody. At the end of the day, everyone deals with situations differently. But it is what we experience and how we respond that make us who we are. And I think that it really something to think about. In fact, I think it's bloody fantastic!
My life is far from perfect. I still need to lose 7 pounds, I have a gym membership being paid for that isn't being used. I have deadlines at uni that are getting closer and closer without me even noticing. I am a pretty average person really. That's how I like it. I am human. I have my faults. I have my blessings. But don't we all?
I'm ready to take life head on. Are you?
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